and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
