i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
