1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
