so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
