I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
