Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
