somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
