is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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