the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
