i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
