Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
