nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
is it fun? or sober?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
