this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming âWHERES THE BLOOOWWWWâ
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