I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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