did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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