Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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