How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You're like the curious george of whores
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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