that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
