is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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