Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
