and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
