that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
