it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
