So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
