o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
