Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
