my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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