GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
