I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
