if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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