swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
