And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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