I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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