can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
