When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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