Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
