What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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