I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
