a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
