my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
