We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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