Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
