youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
