Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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