My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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