Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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