He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
