Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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