I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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