I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
